Loving my partner or depend on my Great Love

What they said less, men and women express the desire to find a partner then yes: be yourself. - It would be wonderful if we fulfill this ambition. - It would be nice if we could make that desire so intimate that houses the human soul. Finding our soul mate to be completito .... The unconscious dictates the need to find our soul mate. That spirit made flesh and bone, can know and recognize for what we vibrate, we love and are passionate about.

The songs, poetry, folk sayings and marketing to realize it and exploit it, of course, very well. All kinds of items there to tell the couple, much love her, how much we want it, and even how The hate and the need!

When this desire for fusion is not performed, at least all the time, emerge from within a number of people and anxieties that lead them to believe, think or act according to their fears. And then, do not realize that the possibility of joining all the time all the time, we started to despair of trying to retain our other self. . Of course, some people would be relevant to be cooked with threads of gold, silver or even a rope, provided that the couple stay with us. Living as Siamese. Pegaditos .... Joined at the head, feet, back, the place is the least important thing is to be crimped ....

But the reality of life and separation is imposed all the time in the relationship. The complexity of emotional and psychological life of human beings can not tolerate much gum, but the desire, and are willing to give it life . The only time that we are actually fused, glued and in symbiosis, is at the time of our pregnancy but also ends. After nine months we are thrown into this world in which we have to breathe for ourselves ...

And we went through a long period of dependency that enables us to mature, to grow, we are encouraged at all times to be independent, to stand on our own and we learn that only our actions take us to a life successful or not ....

Society, family, culture, at least in the West, consider these qualities as virtues. And once we become adults, we partner, we are united .... And then it seems that we would return to merge imagination ... .. Maybe our psyche demands that ideal welfare state .... But that was many, many years ....

And it is there, for some, we want to recreate with your partner. Seen in this way seems crazy, and indeed some crazed with love for your partner. Along with these emotions we felt and longed for not realizing that it comes from within, the other adult can not even remotely be with us in that ideal state all the time, and if we're honest, we also can not meet that expectation.

But no! We fools expects compliance with all eagerness. We want to force us to this relationship, that or we are not able to provide ourselves .... We live in pairs, and for many that means, share the tastes, interests, saucers, time, work, home, money, friends, entertainment, extended families. And do not what else!

Yes we are demanding ...

Thus, partner relationships become even more complex and difficult to understand, and very tiring to be enjoyed every day. We started then, and not seeing our partner as the love object that complements us, we are encouraged, with which to express our ideas and define our life positions. No human relationship, much less a couple, is exempt from conflict.

Any conflict leads to growth and the possibility of solution ... .. But here there is another ingredient that kills our most precious merger, we have associated the word conflict and its meaning is problematic, what is wrong, what does not work.

Conflict is inherent TO HUMAN LIFE, AND THEREFORE, ALL OF WHICH IS RELATED TO HER, TOO.

When this part of our emotional life is not understood from the desired reality, games begin in couples who are confused with love and life partner. Frustration leads and trying to force us desgatamos is met, but also that our partner will fulfill it.

You do not love your partner, we rely on it, we want the link is established as we require if we are not able to ask, as we require. And why not. It is our partner!.

The games in relationships are endless and of course, that both partners work together to make it happen:

THE INTERROGATION:

Where did you go with who you were, what time you arrived, what did he say?.

Do you look at the house of your cousin and you were not?

Why did you work late, they always go out to the four?

CONTROL:

What you spend all the money I give you, or your mood?

What do you want to go there, better wait for me and I'll take you?

To me those friendships that you do not like, maybe we were at home watching a movie?

How strange that you always have things to do in the street?

Blackmail:

What do you want to arrive early if you are always bad?

Did I so badly coming to see you and me go out with you want to go with your parents, or the movies?

If you really loved me, would you go with me, where do I like?

INDIFFERENCE:

I come home and do not speak ...

I will eat with some clients and do not notice ....

I'll be late and you do not communicate ....

I remain to be for you an hour, and I can not, nor I ask an apology ...

My interests are above yours.

SUBMISSION:

I want to go to the movies, but if you want to stay at home, okay.

I like the red color of the blouse, but I bought the green to please you.

In short, there are a number of tonics in the relationship too many to list here, but to get into these games and not be aware of what is involved, we no longer depending on your partner, but these units, controls, indifference , submissions and in some cases, attacks ...

We no longer see the other to build up the couple in love but dependency. Importantly, they do not depend on the couple, but the link we have established ...

That is, depend on the submission to be with my partner. Depend blackmail to relate to my partner. Depend on the indifference to control my partner. And depends on the games I've established with my beloved soul mate ....

But I think it is the Other, which leads me I react in certain ways. In fact they are my fears and insecurities that make me do it. In this situation it is likely and possible, that love for the couple to become dependent ...

Finally, a quote from John Paul Valdes reflection:

The biggest obstacle to love is the secret fear of not being lovable ...

Think about it ... from my point of view, the couple is a project, and as such, it takes time to build it. It is subject to passions and misunderstandings. Most importantly, observe in how we relate in this life of two.

Sometimes talking to others what happens to us gives us light and understanding. If you feel trapped in these couple games go to a specialist. Psychotherapy is always helpful ...

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WHEN LOVE BECOMES PARTNER IN PAIN.

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